We talked about the idea of surrender in one of my classes today. What does it mean to surrender? What does it feel like? Why surrender? Surrender what? Surrender how?
To give you a little context, the class is about Christian Spirituality. And the idea that impacted me most in that discussion is that surrender and trust go hand in hand.
Surrender - giving in, giving up, submitting and handing over - is often seen in our society as a sign of weakness, as something humiliating, and a position that you never want to put yourself in. But, in the Christian context, we understand surrender as - yes, difficult - but as something that can ultimately be one of the best things you can do. There's a sweet release and a peace that comes when you let go of those worries and troubles, of that tight grip you try to keep on control.... but, the key to that, is trust. Without trust in who we are submitting to, submission would be just as it is so often described, a poor decision, and weak move that is forced on you when you're at the end of your rope. And maybe submitting our lives to God is kinda like that - sometimes we don't do it till we've exhausted every other option first, and even feel a bit forced into it, in a way. But because the One we are surrendering to is so trustworthy, working all things for the good of those who love him, giving up our control to God is a case of surrender that is so, so sweet.
Thursday, January 19, 2012
Saturday, January 22, 2011
Writing. Right.
Oh yeah, this whole writing everyday thing... well one day into it and I missed a day. Whoops.
It's a-right though, I'm fine with that; are you?
But here I am today, to say: I am going to sleep.
I am tired. Very tired. And as much as I thought I had already learned the value of a good night's sleep, someone out there must think I have more to learn, as I have had a week full of fitful sleeps (or non-sleeps). I've had hard times falling asleep; hard times waking up in the morning. I've been waking up at all random hours of the night, and not waking up when I'm supposed to.
And it truly wreaks havoc on me. I'm balking at the thought of exercise, and just about drowned myself in tears a few minutes ago; my emotions are all strung out, and all I want to do is eat. Huh, that gives me a thought - my torpidness and the fit of crying I just had may actually be due to elevated sugar levels in my body in combination with sleep-deprivation. I also just realized that the description of myself that I'm giving also describes a four year old (except for that torpidness part.) Great. I am currently functioning as a four year old - without naptime.
Ah, but that fit of crying also may have had a lot to do with trying to fit a large wooden table through a tight doorway all by myself. Note to self - don't ever try that again: you'll regret it, as will the door.
I have to be thankful, though. At least I have a place to sleep, and a heater that keeps me warm (even if it does make sounds that would wake the dead). I hope those who don't have such things have found shelter for tonight; it's bitterly cold.
Well, tonight's a new night, and I may just end up having a good sleep, loud clanky heaters and all. A good night to all, and to all a good night.
It's a-right though, I'm fine with that; are you?
But here I am today, to say: I am going to sleep.
I am tired. Very tired. And as much as I thought I had already learned the value of a good night's sleep, someone out there must think I have more to learn, as I have had a week full of fitful sleeps (or non-sleeps). I've had hard times falling asleep; hard times waking up in the morning. I've been waking up at all random hours of the night, and not waking up when I'm supposed to.
And it truly wreaks havoc on me. I'm balking at the thought of exercise, and just about drowned myself in tears a few minutes ago; my emotions are all strung out, and all I want to do is eat. Huh, that gives me a thought - my torpidness and the fit of crying I just had may actually be due to elevated sugar levels in my body in combination with sleep-deprivation. I also just realized that the description of myself that I'm giving also describes a four year old (except for that torpidness part.) Great. I am currently functioning as a four year old - without naptime.
Ah, but that fit of crying also may have had a lot to do with trying to fit a large wooden table through a tight doorway all by myself. Note to self - don't ever try that again: you'll regret it, as will the door.
I have to be thankful, though. At least I have a place to sleep, and a heater that keeps me warm (even if it does make sounds that would wake the dead). I hope those who don't have such things have found shelter for tonight; it's bitterly cold.
Well, tonight's a new night, and I may just end up having a good sleep, loud clanky heaters and all. A good night to all, and to all a good night.
Thursday, January 20, 2011
New Year's Resolution - Let's hope it doesn't get pixel-y...
Here's finally something about those New Year's goals that I think I mentioned a while back.....
Let's try looking at just one for now. Last night, actually, as I was blogging, blogging, blogging, it occurred to me that this could be a good practice to undertake more intentionally. I figure I'll try to write a little something everyday - if that proves to be too unrealistic, then I'll cut back to once a week or so.
Why would I make regular blogging a goal of mine? Well, I think that just getting into the habit of writing will be good for me... I remember a creative writing class I took in high school - the teacher prescribed an exercise we all had to do: write. Write anything, write nonsense, write something. Just sit down and write for a set amount of time, like 5-10 minutes or so; don't let your pen stop moving. And since I frequently get myself into fixes by procrastinating from doing assignments because they are JUST SO PAINFUL TO WRITE, engaging in a practice that promotes ease of writing is a simple "Heck yes!"
So that's it for today! Gonna be writing more. That's goal one. For now.
Let's try looking at just one for now. Last night, actually, as I was blogging, blogging, blogging, it occurred to me that this could be a good practice to undertake more intentionally. I figure I'll try to write a little something everyday - if that proves to be too unrealistic, then I'll cut back to once a week or so.
Why would I make regular blogging a goal of mine? Well, I think that just getting into the habit of writing will be good for me... I remember a creative writing class I took in high school - the teacher prescribed an exercise we all had to do: write. Write anything, write nonsense, write something. Just sit down and write for a set amount of time, like 5-10 minutes or so; don't let your pen stop moving. And since I frequently get myself into fixes by procrastinating from doing assignments because they are JUST SO PAINFUL TO WRITE, engaging in a practice that promotes ease of writing is a simple "Heck yes!"
So that's it for today! Gonna be writing more. That's goal one. For now.
8
Woot! My blog post count is now up to 8!! Well, 9, after this one.
Now, if only I could get that many hours of sleep a night....
Now, if only I could get that many hours of sleep a night....
Wednesday, January 19, 2011
Wednesday
We talked about perceptions of the self tonight in my class..... my one class of the semester that I am taking. One class. One time a week. Three hours. Not so bad. Last semester - sometimes it seemed bad. But move it over to middle-of-the-week-day, and somehow that extra-buffer-space-acting-Tuesday makes all the difference. Ahhhhh, Tuesday.
Not to mention that the chairs in the new classroom don't resemble the bottom half of a plastic kiddie slide.
So, we talked about different theories on the idea of the "self" and the "person" today. One thinker, Michelle Rosaldo, challenged the dualistic thinking of Western culture and said, really, that the distinction isn't really so distinct as we might think - between the public persona and the inner self. In her observations of the Ilongot peoples of Indonesia she saw that for them, the heart and the actions of a person flow as one - they are not separate. These people also don't have the same ideas about anger as the Freudian-soaked repression theories of Western culture. Ilongots feel anger, but can stop this anger when payment is made by the offender. One such way they would deal with their anger and move on from it was taking heads from other villages. Yeah, people heads.
The other thinker, Hollan, argued against the "cultural model" as being completely true to what everyone in a culture experiences, or views themself. There are degrees, within a culture, of how much like the typical cultural idea of self one has taken on. We Westerners are, perhaps, not so austerely Western as we might think
Bible study also started up again this week. We looked at 1 Peter 1 and it talked about holiness and about inheritance, about the corruptible and incorruptible, and about salvation. I wonder what the Ilongots would think about it.... they did, after all, in large number convert to Christianity. They were drawn to it as a way to deal with anger and fill the hole left in their cultural ways once head hunting was out-lawed.....
I'm glad I've never felt the need to head-hunt - although the idea that head-hunting or receiving payment can immediately turn off anger seems almost like a too-good-to-be-true fix-all for anger issues - but am still pondering what my own experience of the self is, what I consider my "self" to be, and how that fits into the larger picture of my culture and my own experiences. I think that a life of action that flows out of the heart smacks a good deal of integrity... at least from the limited, culturally-biased viewpoint of my own self.....
Not to mention that the chairs in the new classroom don't resemble the bottom half of a plastic kiddie slide.
So, we talked about different theories on the idea of the "self" and the "person" today. One thinker, Michelle Rosaldo, challenged the dualistic thinking of Western culture and said, really, that the distinction isn't really so distinct as we might think - between the public persona and the inner self. In her observations of the Ilongot peoples of Indonesia she saw that for them, the heart and the actions of a person flow as one - they are not separate. These people also don't have the same ideas about anger as the Freudian-soaked repression theories of Western culture. Ilongots feel anger, but can stop this anger when payment is made by the offender. One such way they would deal with their anger and move on from it was taking heads from other villages. Yeah, people heads.
The other thinker, Hollan, argued against the "cultural model" as being completely true to what everyone in a culture experiences, or views themself. There are degrees, within a culture, of how much like the typical cultural idea of self one has taken on. We Westerners are, perhaps, not so austerely Western as we might think
Bible study also started up again this week. We looked at 1 Peter 1 and it talked about holiness and about inheritance, about the corruptible and incorruptible, and about salvation. I wonder what the Ilongots would think about it.... they did, after all, in large number convert to Christianity. They were drawn to it as a way to deal with anger and fill the hole left in their cultural ways once head hunting was out-lawed.....
I'm glad I've never felt the need to head-hunt - although the idea that head-hunting or receiving payment can immediately turn off anger seems almost like a too-good-to-be-true fix-all for anger issues - but am still pondering what my own experience of the self is, what I consider my "self" to be, and how that fits into the larger picture of my culture and my own experiences. I think that a life of action that flows out of the heart smacks a good deal of integrity... at least from the limited, culturally-biased viewpoint of my own self.....
Tuesday, December 21, 2010
"Dear Diary, I'm sorry I haven't written to you in a while..."
So..... it's been awhile. Ha, this takes me back to the diary days of my youth, when the most common phrase I would use to open a new entry in my pink, flower fairy diary with matching lock would be, "Dear Diary, I'm sorry I haven't written to you in awhile...". Call it foolhardiness or call it a redeeming quality of the benevolent sort, but here I am for my first attempt at continuance.
You can really thank my friend Maria for my return; she is an avid blogger, and far funnier a writer than she even realizes, and she also so happens to be a very encouraging person, and has encouraged me to get back on the blog track. And the fortunate thing is, I think I actually have a somewhat focused inspiration this time on which to write about! Huzzah!
We're right in the thick of the Christmas season, holidays are a mere 3 sleeps away for me, and, so being, the past few weeks have been a time of review in my work - this is a time of remembering and recognizing what has been accomplished in the past four months, and also a time to identify what could be improved and what isn't working and needs to be changed. It's been especially helpful considering that this has been my first go not only in a new job, but my first time living in an apartment on my own, and a first in terms of life balances. Oh, and the first semester I've had a computer of my own! (Ironic, isn't it, that I finally establish almost unlimited access to an internet abled computer at any time, and drop my blog like it's hot. Ha!)
Well, I did have a point back there that I was getting to. Oh, yes - I am currently setting some goals for myself! Christmas season leads to New Years and New Years leads to New Years Resolutions. What with all this job and life evaluating, I figure I'll get into the spirit of the (New Years) season and try something I've never done before - I've never actually set a New Years goal with any seriousness before in my past, so, here's to trying something new!
I'll follow up with what those goals actually are at a later date, seeing as how if I want to work on one of them, I need to get myself off to bed, stat!
You can really thank my friend Maria for my return; she is an avid blogger, and far funnier a writer than she even realizes, and she also so happens to be a very encouraging person, and has encouraged me to get back on the blog track. And the fortunate thing is, I think I actually have a somewhat focused inspiration this time on which to write about! Huzzah!
We're right in the thick of the Christmas season, holidays are a mere 3 sleeps away for me, and, so being, the past few weeks have been a time of review in my work - this is a time of remembering and recognizing what has been accomplished in the past four months, and also a time to identify what could be improved and what isn't working and needs to be changed. It's been especially helpful considering that this has been my first go not only in a new job, but my first time living in an apartment on my own, and a first in terms of life balances. Oh, and the first semester I've had a computer of my own! (Ironic, isn't it, that I finally establish almost unlimited access to an internet abled computer at any time, and drop my blog like it's hot. Ha!)
Well, I did have a point back there that I was getting to. Oh, yes - I am currently setting some goals for myself! Christmas season leads to New Years and New Years leads to New Years Resolutions. What with all this job and life evaluating, I figure I'll get into the spirit of the (New Years) season and try something I've never done before - I've never actually set a New Years goal with any seriousness before in my past, so, here's to trying something new!
I'll follow up with what those goals actually are at a later date, seeing as how if I want to work on one of them, I need to get myself off to bed, stat!
Sunday, August 22, 2010
Weekend of Weddings
So, I think this weekend can appropriately be dubbed The Weekend of Weddings (at least for this summer) as there were two weddings for me to go to, one on Friday and one on Sunday, and if that weren't enough of a claim (I've no doubt someone out there can top that with a weekend of three weddings, or maybe even four - who knows!) the first wedding was one that I felt more involved than any other wedding before - one of my roommates for the summer got hitched!
It was on Friday that the roommate wedding happened, where all three of my current roommates were in the bridal party (as bride, maid of honour, and bridesmaid), so on top of getting to share in the build-up to the wedding as the bride and groom carefully poured over planning details on many a summer evening in our apartment over the past three and a half months, I also got to experience some of the excitement and fairly extensive preparations and work that goes on in pre-wedding week in order to pull off a big, formal event with guests from out of town. I did some cake delivery-ing and slicing (and thank goodness I did not a) do anything to damage the car I was lent to run my errand, nor b) do anything to damage the goods I was using the car to transport!), some flower retrieving, some guest-book attending, and some bevaerage making and some cleaning-up-ing. I can't even comprehend all the work and exhaustion that must come with arranging all the other details involved with a wedding ( I'm pretty sure if wedding time ever comes for me I'm just gonna do some sort of drive-thru ceremony with a 7-11 reception to follow;)
And the wedding I just came from was a lovely, in-the-country, outdoor-ceremony, barn-reception affair flavoured with details as unique as the couple themselves. I felt a bit Cinderella-ish at the end of the night - no, not that I had just had a lovely time dancing with a prince, but that I was leaving a bit earlier than I would have liked, but so it goes when depending on the good graces of others for transportation. Pretty sure the dance floor couldn't even handle me anyway, haha.
So, while I am feeling a bit exhausted at the end of this weekend (and I was only the roommate-of-the-bride and minor helper for one wedding, and merely a guest at the other!), I am also feeling very blessed and priviledged to have been a part of the unions of two very special couples, and to have been invited to share in their joy at such a momentous occasion.
And despite my feelings of being "weddinged out" that hit me at points during this weekend, I also had a moment or two where I considered becoming a wedding planner - yep, I'm still crazy...
It was on Friday that the roommate wedding happened, where all three of my current roommates were in the bridal party (as bride, maid of honour, and bridesmaid), so on top of getting to share in the build-up to the wedding as the bride and groom carefully poured over planning details on many a summer evening in our apartment over the past three and a half months, I also got to experience some of the excitement and fairly extensive preparations and work that goes on in pre-wedding week in order to pull off a big, formal event with guests from out of town. I did some cake delivery-ing and slicing (and thank goodness I did not a) do anything to damage the car I was lent to run my errand, nor b) do anything to damage the goods I was using the car to transport!), some flower retrieving, some guest-book attending, and some bevaerage making and some cleaning-up-ing. I can't even comprehend all the work and exhaustion that must come with arranging all the other details involved with a wedding ( I'm pretty sure if wedding time ever comes for me I'm just gonna do some sort of drive-thru ceremony with a 7-11 reception to follow;)
And the wedding I just came from was a lovely, in-the-country, outdoor-ceremony, barn-reception affair flavoured with details as unique as the couple themselves. I felt a bit Cinderella-ish at the end of the night - no, not that I had just had a lovely time dancing with a prince, but that I was leaving a bit earlier than I would have liked, but so it goes when depending on the good graces of others for transportation. Pretty sure the dance floor couldn't even handle me anyway, haha.
So, while I am feeling a bit exhausted at the end of this weekend (and I was only the roommate-of-the-bride and minor helper for one wedding, and merely a guest at the other!), I am also feeling very blessed and priviledged to have been a part of the unions of two very special couples, and to have been invited to share in their joy at such a momentous occasion.
And despite my feelings of being "weddinged out" that hit me at points during this weekend, I also had a moment or two where I considered becoming a wedding planner - yep, I'm still crazy...
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